How To Encourage Kids Without Pushing Too Hard

When you kids are little you might dream about who they will become. Will they be really good at sports or academics? What avenues will be opened up by the goals they pursue early on?

Of course we want our kids to be the best they can be but where do we cross the line from being supportive and encouraging to pushing to hard and forcing?

It's actually proven that parents who push their kids to perform are doing more harm then good. These kids have a more difficult time developing motivation on their own. They have a fear of not winning to the extent of lying and avoidance of difficult tasks that they might not excel in.(Margolies, 2015).

Kids that are performance driven can begin to respond with anger, stress, introversion and anxiety. (Stern, 2015)

The even scarier side of a performance driven mentality comes with a generation struggling with depression, self harm, eating disorders, drug use and general self destructive behaviors. Even those kids who look like they have it all together can crash easily when they're out from under the pressure at home because they haven't developed the inner ability to push themselves.

So how do we still encourage our kids toward being their best self without worrying that we are causing emotional harm?

As parents, we are the best cheerleaders out kids will ever have. We want them to succeed in life.

• We need to encourage our kids in areas where they want to be. Sometimes it's hard to step out and try something new. Kids lack the courage or self confidence to think they might be good at something. They struggle with new concepts and abilities. But if it's something we know they really want or they will love, that's when we need to gently encourage them on that path. There is a difference in pushing your kids to succeed and pushing them to try. (Meredith, 2016)

• Make sure the really important areas are in focus as well. Are your kids kind? Are the practicing good habits? Are they learning real life and social skills? These are concepts that will lead them much further through life than sport, musical, or academic success.
• Make sure you aren't rushing your kids because of your impatience for them to meet your own standards. Check your motives. Get close to your kids. Don't push from far away. Get on their level, get to know their heart. Lead them by example. (Patterson, 2014).

• Give your kids praise for their efforts. This doesn't mean give every kid a trophy whether they won or not. This means, recognizing that they worked hard, gave it their best and that is praise worthy. They have to know that your love isn't conditional to their success.
• Try to give your kids inspiration towards their goals instead of attempting to control them outcome.

• Let them enjoy the moments when they succeed. Don't skip over it to just push for the next win.
• Ask questions about how they are feeling about their academics, sports, extracurricular activities, etc. Show interest without prying and prodding.

Remember that in the end, we want kids that have learned to motivate themselves toward their success not just do it because we want them to. Raising kids is not easy. We often mess up but it's never too late to make better habits.