She won't eat the broccoli no matter what you try? He refuses to walk and wants to be carried all the time? Her answer to everything is "NO!" ? He won't share his toys with his siblings and throws a tantrum?
Sometimes you get the feeling your sweet sunshine has been replaced by a little monster and you just wish it came with a pause-button.
No panic, every parent, aunt, or baby sitter knows this feeling as it's part of the toddler's develpoment. At about the age of 1 1/2, a child begins their attempts at autonomy. This tricky part of the development that lasts throughout childhood and the teen years often challenges parents enormously.
This includes independent decision making, getting their own way and declaring ownership. Which mom hasn't heard "NOOOO! This is mine!" at least a hundred times? The ability to share things assumes a personality trait that is not yet sufficiently developed at the age of two. To understand the concept of sharing, your child needs to be able to think of others and their needs. But as a small child, it is still caught in the stage of completely natural egocentrism and has to learn that not everything will go as it wants. According to Piaget, a developmental psychologist, an egocentric child assumes that other people see, hear, and feel exactly the same as the child does. This causes problems that every parent will know from everyday life with a toddler.
So what can you do when your child forces you into a battle of wills?
Choose your battles. In some situations it might be necessary to give your child clear rules but not every rebellious behavior should result in a meaningful conversation about right and wrong. Try to be creative and clever in responding to your child's behavior. Your tot tries to test your patience and the limits with his stubbornness. Show that you are a grown-up and decide, not to engage in this power struggle.
I tried to put my niece down for a nap and she kept knocking on the wall with her feet. First impulsive reaction might be to knock on the other side of the wall. The better solution is to ...
Do nothing. Take a deep breath and wait for your toddler to calm down. This is not meant to provoke the child by ignoring it. You should just give him or her time without engaging in the power struggle by reacting as outraged as the child. Shouting at a screaming child that it should stop won't work, so be a good rolemodel and stay calm. Thereby you'll show that you're in control. In time, your child will mirror your reaction just as it would mirror your shouting.
Put yourself in their shoes. We've established: Instead of giving in to the power struggle and answering with the same negative energy, the parents should think of the child's situation and react calmly. In my case, no knocking back, but waiting and calmly telling her it's time to sleep now did the trick. After a few more minutes, she was the little sleeping angel again.
